How do I manage myself mentally and emotionally, when one after the other things are not working out for myself and I feel like a failure?
Many people ask this type of question and to those people I have only one answer. You feel that way because you do not have a base of positivity and strength. So, you identify with failure. You define failure as what you are feeling, and in that way you are also defining failure. Then you are foundering, asking, ‘What should I do?’ This is a vicious cycle into which everyone is thrown at some point in their life. It is an indication that there is a big absence of a proper base or foundation of positivity and strength in life. If we had that base, then failure would become a process of learning to improve and not commit the same mistakes that have been committed in the past.
However, the same mistakes are made again and again, and history is the witness to that. We do not learn from our failures, as there is no foundation for us to be stable. This is where samskaras come in. A samskara is a condition, and we are conditioned from the moment we take birth. When we take birth and first open our eyes to the world, we see this huge grinning face with thirty-two teeth, looking at us and smiling. What a frightening experience. Imagine you wake up in the middle of the night, with somebody staring at you? How would you feel? That is the beginning of conditioning in life, the first impression. This impression later begins to identify, associate and interact with different things, and express it in different manners and ways. Everything is a conditioning which we are living in life.
You have lived with your parents, with your family, in society, in difficulties, in peace, in strife. You have been to school, you have participated in so many different activities during your lifetime that your conditioning of everything that you have been exposed to is there, yet there is nothing that defines you as ‘This is what I am.’ It is like your passport filled with stamps from every country that you have visited. Out of the thirty-two pages, there is only one page with your information on it, your photo, your name and your bionic finger print. It is the only page with your information. Everything else is filled by the stamps of every place that you have visited. That is the conditioning of our life.
Our mind is filled by stamps of everything that we have experienced in life, whether it be a good or a bad thing, whether it be a pleasant or a traumatic transformation. Everything is there and it affects our behaviour and interaction, when it comes up as a memory. This is known as pratyaya. Pratyahara comes from the word pratyaya, to create conditions. What is your conditioning? Your personal one, not the one given by your parents, your friends, school, society, church, religion or belief. What is your conditioning? What is your nature? It is difficult to say.
In many ways I have been an exception. My conditioning is given to me by my guru. I do not have any social conditioning like you may have. All my conditioning was given to me by my guru, as I came here at a very early age. The way I look at people, the world and situations is different. That is my conditioning. If I go beyond the conditionings that were given by my guru to the original, I can also see that conditioning which I represent in my life as me. Everybody can do that too, yet we have to clear those conditionings which are detrimental to our development and growth. They are the painful ones. They are the ones which are associated with the six conditions of the mind; everything is coloured by those six conditions.
If we try to create a positive environment in our mind, with the base of our life being positive and strong, we can face every challenge. Otherwise, one simple conflict will create separation. A simple sentence can create conflict, due to lack of understanding of the other person’s mentality. Always try to have, develop and build a base in your life, which is positive and which represents your strength. In that manner, you will be able to deal with all the shortcomings of nature, personality and life.
24 September 2023, Hatha Yoga–Karma Yoga Training, Ganga Darshan, Munger