Between a Disciple and a Guru

Paramahamsa Satyananda

In 1956, in the morning of 19th March, Swami Sivananda called me to his cottage and told me that the institution was not enough to hold me; I had to go away, into the wide world, and do what I could, to see and to understand. He gave me some money and taught me kriya yoga in five minutes, and I left him on the 19th March, 1956. You know, he made things very clear to me. He said, “In 1943 you came to me, in 1963 you'll start working for yourself, and in 1983 your institution will come to a close, and after that your work will be to the cosmos”. So therefore, I am working to his instructions.

My philosophy is different from his. Because I can't teach that, I will teach what I think is best. His philosophy is very difficult – “Love all”. How to love? “Surrender yourself to God”, how to do it? “Don't have ego”, how not to have it? “Sacrifice everything for others”, I don't know how to do it. Intellectually I understand everything but I can't practise love, I can't practise compassion. I tried and tried and failed, then I lost belief in that. I can practise yoga. I can withdraw myself completely, I can stop my mind and my breath. I can't practise love, I can't practise compassion, I'm not selfless. I will teach what I can do. And he said after 1983...

Only a person who has realized himself completely can be compassionate. When you dissolve your little ego in that cosmic ego, then you realize the Self, and not before that. Even if you can stop your mind, still it is not realization. Even if you can stop your breath this is not Self-realization. Even if you can transcend time and space and object, still it is not realization. A man of Self-realization can live beautifully in this beautiful world of great varieties. When I get it, I'll come back to you so you can meet that man. I'm going to come, because my guru told me, “1983”. Afterwards my mind becomes cosmic – this is intuitive vision.

Teach yoga, heal everyone, help them, and when one realizes the Self, everything happens. Self-realization does not come by your own efforts. Grace of God and grace of guru are behind it. If you want it, it can happen here and now. If He doesn't want it, no asana, nor pranayama, nor yoga, nothing can give you Self-realization. What is the Self? Not in the past. It is here and now, nearer than your own breath, closer than your own mind.