Sri Swamiji called the resident swamis of Ganga Darshan in January 1990. For most of us this was the first meeting since Guru Poornima 1988. For those trusting Swami Niranjan's advice the message had simply been that for the true disciple the connection was cosmic, internal and completely independent of physical circumstance; we should respect Swamiji's wish to be alone.

In accordance with this renunciation of even so personal a thing as the yearning to see or speak with one's guru, the work of BSY had continued. It was, therefore, a stunning experience to step from a bus purported to be travelling elsewhere and to see our guru seated in a tent awaiting us, and to know that he had called us. His eyes and body glowed, his hair and beard were long, he had renounced the geru dhoti and wore only a langoti, he revolved a small crystal and coral mala in one hand.

He raised his hand, said 'Om Namo Narayanaya' and instructed us to use that mantra. Because of the circumstances of the meeting, everyone received their own impressions from the satsang. He spoke in Hindi and English, and memories vary, but this is is an attempt to share his message:

Om Namo Narayanaya

I have called you all to tell you not to come again unless I calf you. This is Paramahamsa Akhara; it is not an ashram. Akhara is only for sadhana and no karma, no prepared food, only bhiksha. Akhara is a tradition, like Niranjanji, Nirvani. This is Paramahansa Akhara and Swami Sivananda is the devata.

Now this Akhara is under construction. After finishing the work, nobody will stay here except me and my black dog. Dog is the vehicle of Bhairava. The Akhara building is for naga sannyasins only. They can stay here only for three days; they will prepare food with their own hands. We are building something over there. My disciple, Swami Atmananda, is giving up everything, all her accomplishments, and is coming to join me.

I will stay here, having two flags, black and geru. When the black flag is hoisted no-one can enter. It may be for one, two or three days duration. It means nobody should come. When the geru flag is raised, it means the line is clear, we can meet. Soon I will light the dhuni of this place and on that very day I will renounce my last cloth also.

When the moment of my death comes I will not just die, surrounded by doctors, devotees and transfusions; I will go consciously, straight through brahmarandra. I will die in samadhi and if I am born again it will be in a family of yogis. Don't come asking; you can be proud of me. When you have finished with your work and your desires and your name and fame, you can come here, not before, you understand? Even the desire for samadhi, has to come from within, like it did with me.

It is necessary to transcend all desires, even for moksha. Sannyasins are individuals. They should have no emotional attachments to each other or to anything. They should be able to stand alone, independent.

I can only say that God has helped me. Nothing is my desire, it is His. God has been very good to me. He has given me so much help. He has given me everything. I have not had to go through crises like others. No, He simply gave me the best disciple - Swami Niranjan. He makes his own decisions. He doesn't have to ask. Now whatever happens will be because He wants it.

People have their samskaras for sannyasa, for TV and for good food, etc. They cannot come here, you understand. They can go to the ashram and work out their samskaras there - they are just samskaras. Swami Niranjan has a place for them. He is managing beautifully a five star ashram - but this is an infinite star ashram, infinite star.

Stop thinking of me. I don't want your telepathy or your clairvoyance or vibrations, I don't want any thoughts. You have to forget me. I am not available for guidance. Think that I am dead - no emotional attachments - absolutely clear.

Om Namo Narayanaya