Why do our loved ones sometimes hurt us knowingly?

Swami Niranjanananda Saraswati

Sometimes your near and dear ones give you the most pain. Your enemies give you a hard time, yet it hurts more when your own relatives give you a hard time. This is due to expectation. If a person from whom you expect nothing abuses you, you can ignore him, yet you cannot accept abuse from those to whom you are attached. You want to see your desires realized in their life. You want the shortcomings, deficiencies and unfulfilled desires of your life to be fulfilled in the other person's life.

The fault is not with the others who hurt you; the fault is yours, as you want the other to be like you. You forget that others have their own destiny, fate and accumulated karmas. The direction of life and occupation of your family members and relatives may be just the opposite of yours. Every individual has his own destiny. The reason for unhappiness and conflict is that you do not accept the destiny of others, instead you try to force your will on them, whether friend or enemy.

Arjuna fought against many kings. In the Rajasooya Yajna he defeated every other king. Arjuna never repented the annihilation of those kingdoms. So, what happened to his valour when he saw his own loved ones standing against him in the Mahabharata war? He forgot his duty and dharma due to deep attachment and infatuation.

This happens when there is expectation and attachment. Through meditation you can try to free yourself from the hold of expectation, attachment and maya. In that way the impact of hurt and pain will be less.

—30 July 2014, Netaji Subhash Stadium, Kolkata, India