The system of divorce is an unnecessary effort for social adjustment. It is nothing but adjustment. It is only necessary in a society where people are emotionally undisciplined. A culture or a community which has emotional discipline can understand that divorce is not the solution to a problem. It is the beginning of another problem.
Man belongs to one woman, and woman belongs to one man, not only from the perspective of sex and love, but from all perspectives. When one is undisciplined one does not understand the value of manhood or womanhood, and when sex is only a repetition of an animal habit, divorce is inevitable. It will happen, even though nobody wants it, because love is very much misunderstood in the modern world. What is love? Dedication is a form of love. Duty is a form of love. Understanding is a form of love.
There are three distinct functions or aspects that control man’s behaviour: passion, sex and love. One can practise one of the three, two of the three, or all three, but sex should not be interpreted as love. One can love someone for a lifetime without having any sexual relationship. One can also have a sexual relationship with a person without having love. One can have passion without having love or sex.
These three aspects are confused by a reckless society. The emphasis is wrong. In the interest of the children, the parents must first increase and develop love, and not just by kissing, embracing and hugging. They have to find a common link: literature, painting, yoga, traveling, recreation, games, sports, or politics. They have to find a common link so that they can sit together for at least one hour and talk about something which is common to both.
When the wife talks about the kitchen and the children and the husband talks about the office and business, they do not understand each other. The husband has to discover the potential of his wife and the wife has to discover the potential of her husband: he is a helpful man; he is a generous man. She is a very nice girl.
Some extraordinary quality has to be discovered in the husband and wife. One should not try to discover Miss Colombia or Miss Bogotá; that will only lead to frustration. If the husband is in search of that, then his love is only skin deep. If the love is skin deep, it is going to remain skin deep, and not going to become heart deep.
There are many mistakes in family life. The mother fights with the husband and tries to have the children on her side. The father fights with his wife and tries to have the children on his side. The children are pulled by mother and father.
Therefore, the children think that the best place for them to live is on the streets. They find the atmosphere in the home unbearable. They only come for lunch, dinner and breakfast. Then they go out with the other girls and boys.
What is love? Where the hearts are united, there is love. Husband and wife need not carry on the sexual relationship if they don’t enjoy each other, but hearts, aspirations and responsibilities must be united.
What are you married for? For temporary prostitution? I am not talking like a puritan, because I am not a priest. I am not talking about chastity or purity. I am saying that if I have a wife, I must love her. Then if I love her, how can I love somebody else? I can’t barter myself, I can’t sell myself.
Children are products of their parents’ ideal family life. If your children have gone astray, you are responsible. If your children have become delinquents, you are responsible and your responsibility is on account of your inadequate culture, civilization and religion. Religion, culture and civilization create a society. Society creates family. Family creates children, and these children again create culture, religion and civilization.
The whole West has to rethink, and it has to rethink very quickly. The danger from nuclear war is not that great. The disaster will take place on account of the relationships in the family.
—5 December 1982, Medellin, Colombia