I am a Sannyasin

Paramahamsa Niranjanananda, Satsang during Karma Sannyasa Week, Mangrove Mountain, Australia, May 1994

There is an invitation from Paramahamsaji to all of you. This invitation is very important because, as many of you have felt and known, after leaving the ashram and the establishment, Paramahamsaji cut himself off totally from everyone. He made it quite clear, saying to us that, "I do not wish to see anyone, I am not a Guru or a teacher any more. I have no disciples any more." This information came to us all. We felt isolated, deserted, neglected, and all these feelings and ideas surfaced, although, in fact, there was no reason to feel like this. What was actually happening, and this you have to understand from Paramahamsaji's point of view, was that he never considered himself to be a Guru or a teacher, rather, we made him into the image that suited us.

For many of us Paramahamsaji became a Guru. For many of us he became a teacher, for many of us he became an inspirer; he took on different roles as per our projections, and that is how we related to him in our own ways. To be frank, we never allowed him to be himself. When he wanted to be himself, we reacted strongly and many people also reacted negatively. That was our shortcoming not his, because our own ideas and projections were being shattered. Paramahamsaji always considered himself as a disciple of Swami Sivanandaji, as a sadhaka, as a spiritual aspirant. There are many things in his life which can totally alter a human mind if you care to look deeply into his mind. His mind is always open for you to look into. It is not a closed mind.

At the time of his departure, Paramahamsaji said, "I did not take sannyasa to establish a mission. I did not take sannyasa to become a Guru. When I took sannyasa, the original thought which motivated me was to know myself, but in order to come to that stage of realising myself and in order to pave the path for my growth and evolution, I had to exhaust my samskaras and karmas. I asked Swami Sivanandaji what I should do in order to exhaust my samskaras and karmas and he gave me a mission to propagate Yoga. I did that until I felt I had completely exhausted every impression or samskara and karma, even their shadow images, from my life. Finally the realisation dawned on me that I was free from my karmas and samskaras and I also realised that now I would be able to go further in my own spiritual journey as an aspirant, as a sadhaka."

Now, compare this mentality with other mentalities that you may have come across. In Paramahamsaji's mentality we find clarity of direction. If we are able to use his example, then we will also attain clarity of direction, rather than getting caught up in our ego trips and emotional trips. In fact, this is what he has taught all these years; through the practices of Yoga attain clarity of mind. Have we attained this clarity of mind? No. We have not been able to follow his guidance and direction, it is as simple as that. Despite our association with him for many years, for many decades, I do not think we have followed a single instruction of his for our inner growth and development.

Another source of inspiration is Paramahamsaji's acceptance of life, his acceptance of difficulties and problems which would normally shake even the strongest of people. He has never fought against the current of life. He has flowed with the current of life. We fight with the current; we struggle. We have not learnt to flow with the current. If a swimmer has to cross a river that is flowing very strongly, then he has to swim with the current to try and reach the other shore. Now, this is a teaching of Yoga, flowing with the current, which Paramahamsaji has been able to do and which we, as his disciples, have not been able to do. We are struggling now and when I return to Australia after one year we will still be struggling, and every year when I return I will find that we are all still struggling. We miss the simple things in life and we do not give them consideration or importance.

In order to re-establish himself in the lifestyle of a sadhaka, it was necessary for Paramahamsaji to isolate himself from everything with which he identified. We were talking of ego identification, ahamkara. Paramahamsaji definitely has no ego. He is ego-less, but, for the sake of our understanding, let us say that he has dropped his identification and he has gone to another state of being, another state of life. His clarity of mind is just incredible.

So, now he has given us this special opportunity by inviting all of us to his place in Deoghar, where he lives in solitude and isolation, without interacting with anyone, and continuously performing his own higher sadhana. He has invited everyone to go there and to reconnect with him on a different dimension, on the true spiritual dimension and not just as a speculative, spiritual idea.

This invitation is open to all. You should not miss this opportunity, because if you do, and you still complain about your relationship with Paramahamsaji, what it is and how it is going to be, then that is your problem. He is opening his doors and it is up to you to enter and receive inspiration and inner guidance and stabilise yourself in your life. Learn to experience life as it should be experienced, not only in terms of luxury comfort, securities and satisfaction, but also see how the fire of tapas, austerity, can touch another person's life and transform it.

This year for one month, 18th November to 17th December, Paramahamsaji's doors are going to be open, and I insist that you do not miss this opportunity because it will be an eye opener for all of you. I have come across many Gurus but I have never come across a true sadhaka, a true aspirant, except for Paramahamsaji. I have come across many for whom the end has become the means but I have never come across a person who has maintained that clear vision in life. When you speak to Paramahamsaji his ideas will come to you. Initially, I could not understand why he was leaving. I asked him at the time of his departure, "What will happen to you? You are leaving everything behind."

He said, in a beautiful way, "Look, let me be free from everything and from the lassos which you people throw at me. Let me just roam, wander around with the name of Shiva on my lips. It is my wish that when I die nobody will know that I have died. I am just a wave amongst thousands of waves in the ocean. When a wave reaches the shore it simply disappears. The same wave does not appear twice. The wave which you recognised as being me, the state which you recognised as a wave, is now finished. I am a sannyasin. I do not want my disciples around me at the time of my death with tears in their eyes, because that is not the teaching that I have given them. I do not want you people to stand beside my bed, with doctors stuffing pipes through my nostrils and my stomach. No, not at all. I want to live a free life, total freedom, external and internal both, keeping the knowledge alive in me that I am a sannyasin."

Live like that sannyasin who has taught us many things but whose teachings we have never looked at. Take inspiration from that sannyasin who has always said, ''No matter how many times you fall, always get up smiling and keep on walking." Close your eyes. Do not just say, "It is beautiful". Feel it in you, and when you feel that beauty in you, then I will consider my coming to Australia to have been a success.